by 3D
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| the space between us by 3D |
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005 lunboks. apparently, the new me is always on the go but going nowhere, getting up earlier but sleeping later, very irritably aiming to serve others, exhausted but energized by grace, eager to outperform but underperforming, failing yet still brimming with pride, and realizing that his whole life is a mess but that it's a start because he realizes he desperately needs God so much. i'm a new man, i wear a new cologne. grittings. (click comic) 
posted by 3D |
3:08 AM
Tuesday, July 05, 2005 "Done with the old me And talk is the same cheap it's been I'm a new man I wear a new cologne and You wouldn't know me if your eyes were closed I know what you'll say 'This won't last longer than the rest of the day' But you're wrong this time" - John Mayer done with the old me - stay tuned. and you're wrong this time. next time we cross paths, introduce yourself. would love to get to know you. Colossians 3:9-10 "...you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator." posted by 3D | 8:12 PM Friday, June 17, 2005 top ten updated again. real entries to resume imminently. posted by 3D | 1:00 AM Wednesday, May 04, 2005 reverse inspiration. was reading an online journal entry tonight by jason mraz and wanted to share this excerpt: "This is why it's best for an artist to not read his own reviews and/or peek into the gossip communities for fear of reverse inspiration occurring leading future projects to quackery and drivel manifested by the audiences instead of the artist. There should be spirit in art, and sometimes to hear the spirit, one needs to experience a lifetime of solitude. Remind me to someday post my plan to disappear for a few years. My "missing person" could still promote the record for me and would make a great chapter in the bio. I could return with a book, a beard, a Brazilian baby, and a million new songs after having sat quiet and listened to the source instead of demanding the source deliver in time for the next recording session or tour. That's spirit. That's art." when i read it, i couldn't have agreed more. but instantly, it also made me think about our relationship with God. lately, a friend's been telling me that he's not sure what he believes anymore because it's so easy to accept the opinion of others. i think we're all more impressionable than we think. it's not only the values, biases and opinions that we subconsciously pick up from friends and strangers, but add to that the subliminal bombardment of the media and advertising. these things are not bad in themselves, but they subconsciously dictate our lives without a second thought being made. without a second thought because a first thought was never registered. as a consequence, our lives pass us by guided by a seemingly invisible hand or rather, a schizophrenic multitude. thus, the prime importance of solitude and quiet introspection is highlighted here. yet there is another invisible force at work. however, being invisible, His hand is not easily discernable when there is the simultaneous tug of the crowd. it needs to be distinctly sought, grasped and embraced. and so, analogous to mraz's hearing of the spirit by the artist, our source can only be accessed through the same "quiet" and "lifetime of solitude", also known as prayer. otherwise, our lives are just driven by "reverse inspiration." not sure how the beard or Brazilian baby fit into the analogy though. Acts 17:27 "God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us." posted by 3D | 2:14 AM Tuesday, March 29, 2005 getting it together. Luke 8:25 "In fear and amazement they asked one another, "Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him." Luke 9:45 "But they did not understand what this meant. It was hidden from them, so that they did not grasp it, and they were afraid to ask him about it." Been exploring the first half of the book of Luke lately. The fact of the matter is that the disciples just didn't get it. The crowds thought that Jesus was John the Baptist, Elijah, or even one of the prophets from long ago come back to life. Meanwhile, the disciples spent almost every waking hour with Jesus. They expected him to rise up as an earthly king and take back rule from Rome. They argued amongst themselves about who would be Jesus' right hand man once he became king. They didn't understand what he was saying half the time and his parables (simple stories to illustrate a lesson) often required further explanation afterwards. Nonetheless, Jesus "called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick." But something doesn't make sense. How could they accept power and authority if they didn't understand who they were receiving it from? How could they preach the good news if they didn't know what the kingdom of God was? If they didn't even have faith in the very core of the good news? Nonetheless, Jesus used them. He empowered them to do many great deeds and miracles -- yet we are capable of just as much. I think back to my life and remember the many times God used me despite my diminutive understanding and faith. Sometimes we wait until we have it all together before we feel we can accomplish anything. Sometimes we feel like we need to reach a certain point. But it is God that accomplishes everything and He grows our understanding and faith at the same time that He uses us. Reading through Luke, I've realized the point is not to have it all together. The point is to just follow Him. Luke 5:11 "So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him. posted by 3D | 9:40 PM Thursday, March 10, 2005 falling asleep at 9pm.
posted by 3D |
10:00 PM
Psalm 127:2 "In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat - for he grants sleep to those he loves." falling asleep at 9pm tired but far from my wit's end mind is weary from the days ahead just want to escape it from my bed i'll confess it to myself but don't tell anyone else it's not something i would ever condone but i want to be on my own wishing i weren't alone i just can't stand what's around me but when you can't stand what the mirror sees why would you stand at all? waiting first for the other one to fall so i've got nothing to say a loss of words -- who's taken them away? better yet, did you find them useful or do you find potential? just want to forget all about myself promise me you won't tell anyone else don't remind me until the light has come then you could tell the stranger where the tunnel's from though i could live without explanation and i don't know if the reason has reason so why do i feel how i'm feeling? when not knowing is a part of the healing falling asleep at 9pm drowning in crowded thoughts again fading into the mercy of time hoping somehow that it sublimes Thursday, January 27, 2005 i'm still alive. i'm back, three months later, with much to tell and little to write. i've always been a writer; i'd scribble poems on chinese restaurant napkins as a kid, write short stories and top ten lists (for letterman) at home, and somehow i've evolved into a type of editorial writer now. i don't know what it is -- maybe the barrage of events and activities in the past three months -- but i've had time to write but nothing to write, during this three month span. that being said, i've been keeping a notebook around for thoughts/ideas/prayers and i've found it extremely edifying. i started this site as a means to share any meaningful thoughts and experiences -- not to recount my week -- but perhaps, in this circumstance, it is justified. nov - can't remember anything except for being really busy at work, graduated from turkish class, lots of bdays, friend's engagement. dec - more bdays, sandwich run for the homeless, lots of parties and reunions, a nice break both at and from work. jan - visited LA, learning more about myself, delta building momentum. can't remember too much, each week is a handful unto itself. but looking back, how could i not praise God? in three short months, i think of lives being changed forever, community starting to gain momentum, new friends made, deeper friendships made, just plain good times, and most recently, this week has been the most humbling week in months to remind me whose glory I live for. how could I not rejoice? want to know more? call me. Psalm 118:24 "This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." posted by 3D | 11:02 PM Wednesday, October 27, 2004 a blessing and a curse. Deuteronomy 11:27-28 "See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse- the blessing if you obey the commands of the LORD your God that I am giving you today; the curse if you disobey the commands of the LORD your God..." It's that simple. The Israelites were promised the blessing of "a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey". It was just sitting there waiting for them; God had already given it to them. All they had to do was claim it, to "take possession of it". And it wasn't only for their benefit, but they were to be a blessing to others, to "show [their] wisdom and understanding to the nations". There was only one stipulation -- that they had to obey the decrees and laws of the Lord. If they didn't obey, they would "not live there long but will certainly be destroyed. The Lord will scatter you among the peoples..." It was that simple. The blessing was there just waiting to be claimed. All they had to do was obey. I often think back to all the times I've disobeyed God and all the blessings I've foregone. I wonder how things would be different. Deuteronomy 11:13-15 "So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today-to love the LORD your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul- then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and oil. I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied." posted by 3D | 9:22 PM Thursday, October 14, 2004 tomorrow. James 4:13-15 Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." i think a lot about all the things i want to do and look forward to. spend a whole day and catch up on a whole ton of movies. go to California and New York before the end of the year. write a good song by the end of the year. road trip from Vancouver to LA to Vegas next year and who knows, maybe South America or Turkey too. finish my stacks of unread books. be part of helping CPC achieve a new culture of Acts 2 community. head out to Germany in 2006 for the World Cup. start another business again. get married and have 2.5 kids. etc. etc. it has struck me lately that one thing wasn't on the list - one thing that will make the joy of all the things above in aggregate multiplied a billion times even pale in comparison. that thing is the day Jesus returns. oh, how things would change if that one day were the day i look forward to more than anything else. my mind would be filled less with such nonsense and selfishness. i would live in urgency and with a true purpose. and i would live in joy and appreciation of everything in my life and each day. and maybe i would see each moment as a blessing instead of being pre-occupied with days to come. what if? posted by 3D | 10:36 PM Monday, September 20, 2004 "the grass is always greener..." (token post #2) top ten jobs at the moment. (in no particular order) 10. Screen Writer 9. Equity Analyst (Berkshire Hathaway) 8. General Manager (Toronto Maple Leafs) 7. Restaurant/lounge owner 6. Film score composer 5. Musician/DJ 4. VP - Business Strategy (any firm) 3. Staff (Chinese Presbyterian Church) 2. Columnist (Wall Street Journal) 1. Advertising executive (BBDO) posted by 3D | 9:18 PM Monday, September 13, 2004 token post. top ten songs at the moment. (in no particular order) 10. Urbana - Lord's Prayer 9. DJ Cam ft. China - He's Gone 8. David Crowder - My Hope 7. Zero 7 - In the Waiting Line (aquanotes naked adaptatio mix) 6. Phil Wickham - You are Everything 5. Air - Universal Traveler 4. Reuben Morgan - You Said 3. Nightmares on Wax - Les Nuits 2. Beth Orton - Thinking About Tomorrow 1. Malcom McLaren - About Her posted by 3D | 7:36 PM Monday, August 23, 2004 an update - but instead of blogging... top twelve events in the last month (in no particular order) 12. meeting with linda & godfrey to prepare for fellowship program. 11. finally buying an acoustic guitar. 10. watching nortel stock plummet. 9. relaxing day with hangkit at the driving range & street hockey. 8. watching bourne supremacy, followed by the "lumberjack" breakfast at denny's. 7. chatting with ron (in from regina) about life as he leaves for afghanistan. 6. beachfest prayer meeting. 5. being there for sue's baptism. 4. dancing to indian music at sangeet/wedding banquet. 3. being groomsman for harold & janice's wedding. 2. hearing sergio say, "today is the best day of my life" on wedding day. 1. rollerhockey three-peat. posted by 3D | 11:21 PM Thursday, August 12, 2004 Three-peat. Enough said. 
posted by 3D | 7:53 PM Sunday, July 25, 2004 Grace Flows Down. "Why then, O brawling love, O loving hate, O anything of nothing first create. Heavy lightness. Serious vanity. Misshapen chaos of well seeming forms." - Romeo Somewhere, over the last year, in the dissection and dispassionate analysis of "what does it mean to be in love?", I somehow took the heart out of something that so clearly involves every ounce of the heart and its every heartbeat; and along with it, the soul and romanticism out of love and life. The result? A callous mentality that one can love anyone, so long as one tries, and as such, it really all comes down to one thing - synergy. O Serious vanity. Not to say that synergy (see Feb 22nd post) is not important, but perhaps it is more of an end result - yet more importantly, the focus is completely on the wrong person. Is it really all that important what "I" need from someone else? Is it really all that important how someone else can best satisfy what "I" need? Perhaps, it would be the case if I knew what was best for me. However, clearly this is not the case. Clearly, the biggest thing I missed was grace. God's grace that abundantly overflows, that we so easily overlook, marks every inch of our blessed lives. By grace, He gives us every good and perfect gift. By grace, He meets us where we are, even though we don't deserve it. By grace, He gives us what is best for us. Sure, I still believe that we can all be compatible with numerous people and that love is something you work at. And sure, I still believe that "love is a command, not just a feeling" (see Mar 19th post) and that it truly involves the will. But, in light of grace, what can you really say? That marriages are just compromise and a hard work ethic catalyzed by random chance? Grace is a considerate, loving, and delicately wrapped gift from God specifically to you. Thus, in light of grace, I think I'm shifting back towards the camp that believes that there is just that one special person God has created for you. And yes, I still do believe in and value synergy; yet perhaps, it is more of an affirmation of grace given. I went to a wedding on Saturday - the first of four consecutive weddings. The first, in fact, in over a decade because I had managed to avoid them on all occasions. After the wedding on Saturday - the groom being someone I've known since I was born - the only thing I could really think of was the privilege to experience and share in... grace, such grace. The lyrics to one of the songs sung at the ceremony are below. Grace Flows Down by David Bell, Louie Giglio, and Rod Pagaent Amazing grace how sweet the sound Amazing love now flowing down From hands and feet that were nailed to the tree As grace flows down and covers me It covers me, it covers me It covers me, and covers me posted by 3D | 4:20 PM Tuesday, June 29, 2004 Deja Vu DEPARTING: Leaving on Wednesday June 30th, 2:25pm Delta 5891 - Toronto (YYZ) to New York-Kennedy (JFK) Delta 72 - New York-Kennedy (JFK) to Istanbul (IST) RETURNING: Delta 73 - Istanbul (IST) to New York-Kennedy (JFK) Delta 5901 - From New York-Kennedy (JFK) to Toronto (YYZ) Back on Saturday July 17th, 7:44pm posted by 3D | 10:32 PM Wednesday, May 26, 2004 Servanthood. I dedicated this year to servanthood. I figured it means I should be at the beckon and call of anyone and everyone at all times - whether at 2 am in the morning or on that lazy Sunday afternoon that was planned. Meetings for dinner with new friends, counselling others through troubles, helping friends move, paying for others when they don't have enough money, leading fellowship programs, fixing friends' resumes, helping them find a job, volunteering somewhere, talking with someone that needs to talk... Doing this or doing that. Doing. Somehow I don't really feel like a servant right now. Though there is nothing in the least wrong with those things nor were intentions misplaced, I've found that for me - this is not the challenging stuff. It's the low hanging fruit; it's the tip of the iceberg. John 13:14-16 "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him." Philippians 2:3-4 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." I've been learning that it's got to be more about the attitude. Servanthood is being patient with others, exuding the fruit of gentleness. It is about character, integrity and perseverance. It is not complaining, not talking back, and just "sucking it up." It is about giving others grace - grace, by nature, that is undeserved, though which of us really is in a position to judge? Regardless, grace for everyone - parents, family, friends, strangers - in all circumstances. Servanthood is when you don't require recognition - perhaps avoiding recognition - or even a word of thanks. It is being behind the scenes, being the dishwasher, being the one that doesn't even care if who they're serving never knows. It is putting the interests of others before yourself. Being a servant has nothing to do with yourself. Though you benefit. Strange. As for me, I'm starting to learn. posted by 3D | 5:42 PM Sunday, April 25, 2004 What Is Your Sailboat? Are you overworked? Have you devoted all your time and effort towards some goal? Do you have trouble remembering what your friends look like? Are you burnt out? After another late night roommate conversation a couple weeks ago, I wanted to extend a question to all of you: "What is your sailboat?" The following was written by Bill Hybels, senior pastor of the largest church in North America, taken from his book Courageous Leadership: After months of appointments, my counselor suggested that I reflect on all the forms of recreation I was involved in and determine which one was the most restorative and why. I said, "That doesn't require reflection. That's easy. I don't do anything for recreation." After getting over his shock my counselor simply said, "Bill, you'd better start. Immediately." That's when I began thinking about sailing again... Sailing was, by far, the most replenishing recreation I had ever engaged in. But I gave it up abruptly when my father died of a heart attack and the Ann Gail was sold. "Bill," he said, "you need to schedule life-giving recreation on a regular basis if you intend to stay healthy over the long haul. God made you that way. I suggest that you move from the fear side of this equation to the faith side and start looking at boats!" Many months later Lynne and I purchased a used, banged-up, thirty-five-foot race boat that brought more joy into my life than I could ever have imagined. Over the years whenever I took Willow people sailing, we'd drive up to the boat and I'd point to it and say, "See that hunk of fiberglass. That saved my ministry!" And in some ways it did. Often when I'm out alone on a boat I can feel the smile of God coming my way. I can sense his saying, "Bill, you're more than a ministry machine to me. You're my son. I built you with a love for the wind, the water, and the motion of the waves. When you're on a boat, smiling and loving life, I smile too - all across heaven." I'm a little overwhelmed right now. And perhaps close to burn out too. I'm learning that I need to simplify and consolidate certain areas of my life, while permitting myself to resurrect the "sailboat" in my life. For me, it's easy. My "sailboats" are music and hockey. When I was younger, I used to spend hours in my basement and take snapshots at a hockey net over and over as though I was a robot or stickhandle my way through my entire basement. I loved it. Music is the same. Listening to good music just puts me in another place and frees my spirit. All it takes is a wicked jungle drum loop, a soul-soothing strings crescendo, or that one perfect moment of harmony in a jazz set that just makes you helpless to do anything other than just smile. I remember the days when I used to write poetry and lyrics daily. And though I can't really play guitar nor can I really play the piano, somehow I believe I was created to write - it's strange. I had never even listened to a single jazz or blues song when I was young, but somehow, I found myself trying to play it. About 2 or 3 yrs ago, I bought a synthesizer but it's not surprising that I have not found the time to write even one full length song since purchasing it. Things are going to have to change - keep me accountable to this. In the meantime, I thought it would be really interesting and edifying to hear from all of you what your response is to the question: "What is your sailboat?" Please share with us below. posted by 3D | 11:16 PM Wednesday, April 07, 2004 If you're looking for me next week, I'll be in Ottawa visiting a couple companies. Just in case you were wondering. And specifically, if you need me Wednesday night, I'll be at Game 4 of TOR vs. OTT at the Corel Centre!! (haha, sorry... just extremely pumped to see the leafs crush the sens - again.) Go Leafs! posted by 3D | 8:06 PM Friday, April 02, 2004 Matthew 6:3-4 "But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." i wasn't going to share with anyone that i went to a homeless shelter to volunteer tonight, but now i feel prompted to and hope that it might be a blessing to you too... so i wanted to go to this homeless shelter; i don't know, maybe half inspired by a passion to just get to know the homeless and maybe half inspired by urbana and perhaps, half inspired by spearheading something that i could involve my fellowship with, or perhaps, half inspired by pride in recognition. and so i set up a team to go volunteer. but despite the interest, everyone bailed and i was the only one left to go. would i still go? for what intentions? i believe God used this opportunity to purify my motives, and i decided i would go nonetheless. then something interesting happenned - ironic, almost. all these people - friends, co-workers, friends' sisters - wanted to go with me. so i had a team again... i just got back from the shelter tonight; i went there alone. somehow i knew it would happen this way. God had his purpose and it was good. i went there with nothing but an attitude to try to be a blessing to others, but it ended up being an opportunity for them to bless me... when i first got there, a girl probably in her low-30s was creating a ruckus. she was approaching all the men and pestering them saying: "if you beat me up, i'll give you $20. i just want to get really beat up, all bloody and everything. i want to get hurt." the men refused because they were afraid of going to jail. i spent a while at the door just saying hi to people and giving out coffee cups and sandwich bags for a while. then i met joe. a kind and intelligent 70 yr old grandfather-type figure that said he was having a rotten day and was writing a letter. he told me about how his father was disabled when he was 3 yrs old, his many jobs in the advertising industry and as the editor of various publications. he told me about his travels to new york and business trips to BC and the Yukon, even. he was writing a book about his life and he was in good spirits. he told me about alcoholism, losing his house, inflammed lungs, heart attacks. he told me about medication, nerve ends, pain, hospitals, and getting out of this place. i didn't know what to do; how could i help him? what could i do? just love him. so i listened and talked with him for about an hour. but all i could think about the whole time was: "the Lamb is the answer. Christ is it." then Dan came by and we chatted for a bit. Joe was falling asleep so i suggested that he go to bed. he told me that he really enjoyed meeting me. i was about to leave when Dan said he wanted a chance to talk with me too. so he suggested we go to coffee time across the street for a coffee. i bought us coffees and then we sat down in the segregated smoking room in the coffee shop. dan shared with me about his life. how his parents hurt him, how he was from the old school, the pride that kept him from going home, how he was lied to by his brother and sisters and swindled out of all his money. such pride and bitterness. i do not exaggerate but i was really afraid of my life. i was talking to this brash and bitter man who i didn't know at all. a huge native indian man, barely able to open his eyes and put a sentence together was trying to get cigarettes off everyone. there was this angry punk rocker-type in the corner that would yell at everyone that came into the coffee shop, cursing and swearing at everything and using a lot of racial slurs. he would try to pick a fight with dan, telling us to "get out of here and go home." after we finished our coffees, i told dan i had to leave. he really appreciated me and said that i should go to the shelter everyday. i told him i had a job. then i walked home. humbled. sobered. this is the world. this was just a normal thursday night. a normal night at the shelter, a normal night at the coffee shop. this is the world. this is the world i live in. my heart was and is broken. and i know with certainty that God's heart is broken too. in fact, more so than i could ever imagine. i wondered to myself, how did we, as a peoples, fall so far astray? these people need Christ. and not only these people, but everyone! our world - so full of pride, hate, hurt - occupied with making widgets, making money... or maybe just getting to next week. the Lamb is the answer. my heart was broken and i was desperate to pray as i walked home. and i prayed more when i got home. and i want to pray more later. i know joe and dan now. what a privilege it is that i can pray for them now; i wondered how many times they've been prayed for in their lives. thank you, Lord, for tonight. what a world. what have we done? such need. such urgency... what world do you live in? i suspect that it might be the same one. posted by 3D | 12:23 AM Friday, March 19, 2004 ok, the love topic is back again. a friend shared with me a chapter from Ravi Zacharias' book: I, Isaac, Take Thee, Rebekah. it's pretty long, so i just included a couple paragraphs. (find the entire text at www.gospelcom.net/rzim) The statement "If you will to love somebody, you can" has the ring of truth, but deep inside we wonder, How does one "will"? It is a little bit like ordering somebody to love you. How does one go beyond the discernment to the practice? If knowledge does not guarantee behavior, where does one go to translate the prerequisite into action? Can it really be done? The important thing to bear in mind is that you must face your willingness to die to yourself before you choose to walk down the aisle. Is this person the one for whom you are willing to die daily? Is this person to whom you say, "I do" also the one for whom you are willing to say, "No, I don't" to everybody else? Be assured that marriage will cost you everything. Love is a command, not just a feeling. Somehow, in the romantic world of music and theater we have made love to be what it is not. We have so mixed it with beauty and charm and sensuality and contact that we have robbed it of its higher call of cherishing and nurturing. Watch two young people in a passionate embrace--it may be love, but it may also be nothing more than passion. Watch two elderly people walking hand in hand with evident concern for each other, and you are closer to seeing love in that relationship than in the youthful embrace... ------------ This brings into focus an element of the will. The will is that faculty which can only be tested when pain is as much a part of its choice as pleasure is. Let me state it another way. The will is that disposition of the mind that will choose a path and bind itself with love, even if pain is mixed with the choice. In the West, particularly, we have become so resistant to pain that at the slightest hint of it, we prepare to flee by some shortcut or some solution that masks the discomfort... Nothing brings harmony more than embracing the will of God. Nothing brings fragmentation more than turning away from the will of God. Marriage is the harmony of God synchronizing two wills with the will of the Father. When that happens, the heart resounds with the feeling, even though it involves sacrifice... A few days ago, while writing this chapter in a small Asian city, I took an early morning walk and saw two workmen who were dismantling a cement block wall, taking great care to keep the blocks intact for another structure they were building. What a metaphor this is for the home! When two lives meet, they are like two distinct walls. Each has to start by dismantling his or her wall one brick at a time, and then those bricks are taken intact and with other materials used to build a structure with a roof that brings them together at the top. That is the new home. Two wills are as two walls. Rightly dismantled and rebuilt they provide the strength for a new union of two lives. The playwright Thornton Wilder said it well: "I didn't marry you because you were perfect. I didn't even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage. And when our children were growing up, it wasn't a house that protected them; and it wasn't our love that protected them -- it was that promise..." posted by 3D | 4:30 PM Saturday, March 13, 2004 a muted cry. outside. community - i wish it were - in seeming vain, inside concrete walls. Do you truly love me more than these? disintermediated - on the fringe - in a jigsaw fit. Do you truly love me? change (What about [them]? What is that to you?) - for you. for me. me. Do you love me? (Jn 21:15) posted by 3D | 2:49 PM Thursday, March 04, 2004 1st star: brian leetch 2nd star: brian mccabe 3rd star: mats sundin leafs played awesome tonight... power play was clicking, our top line was just unstoppable, leetch added a calming presence to our defence, belfour was great as usual, and the whole team was dominant. just an awesome game... especially when you're 12 rows up. posted by 3D | 11:01 PM Wednesday, March 03, 2004 now that we got brian leetch, the leafs are set. i cannot even express how good he is and how excited i am. because... stanley's coming to town! posted by 3D | 11:20 PM Thursday, February 26, 2004 ok, here's the last word from gladys... posted by 3D | 9:31 PM Sunday, February 22, 2004 ok, i'm sick of talking about this topic and i'm sure whoever reads this is sick of hearing about it too - the edited discussion below is the last post. that being said, i think i've learned a lot over the past 2 weeks about what love is and what it means to me... and i still believe that it all comes down to synergy... when 2 are better than 1 ---------------------------------- kandy (01:05 AM) : love is not a noun - something to have, but rather love is a verb -- something to do. true love can be spontaneous but not sudden, the intention in a truly loving relationship is always a pleasant surprise, suddenness comes from a lack of thoughtfulness or consistency, suddenness breeds insecurity and robs a relationship of rest and joy, love is not exasperated and undependable, love is not provoked, paroxysmal, true love is like a steady heartbeat and a strong muscle (haha i like that) marriage is one of God's best discipling tools -- it provides a place to learn to love and a person to practice with, then she talks about eph. 5:21-33 3D (01:05 AM) : right... so essentially you can marry anyone... you can love anyone (so long as you commit to it) kandy (01:05 AM) : then what's the meaning of marriage to you? 3D (01:05 AM) : you choose someone... someone that is compatible with you, good relational dynamics, someone you're compassionate about, are good friends with, and most of all, work together to honour God in all ways through the relationship.... then it's your choice..... you decide to commit to that person or not... that's about it kandy (01:11 AM) : you don't chooose someone, God chose someone for you already even before you were born, that's why seeking together to see God's will is very important before the start of a relationship, you can just choose anyone, however if the person is not in God's plan eventually the relationship will not work 3D (01:17 AM) : i agree with you 100%... but what about arranged marriages? what are non-christian marriages? are those all destined to fail? they didn't seek God's will 3D (01:20 AM) : but i think we often think of hearing from God as though He speaks to us in a loud booming voice or inner peace of just stillness... but it's not always like that, probably not usually... usually it's Him speaking to us through affirmations... affirmations when things are working, or getting a glimpse that this is someone you could marry kandy (01:20 AM) : how do i know if it's God's will? 3D (01:21 AM) : (this is a generalization), but usually when it works... kandy (01:23 AM) : ya i believe that God doesnt' only speak to us when we are quiet and still, but also through people and circumstances. compatilbility is one of the sign from God kandy (01:29 AM) : when it comes to arranged marriages and non Christian marriages i don't know how it works with their not seeking God's will, however one thing i can be certain is that they are missing the true love bondage that we have, b/c we have Jesus Christ as the top of our marriage/relationships, and cuz we are Christians one big part of our relationship with Christ is obedience to obey and trust in His plans posted by 3D | 6:07 PM Tuesday, February 17, 2004 ok, i won't change the subject b/c i know some more people have comments, but here's one thought i had: that i disagree with wheatfields to a minor degree. i don't think that the feelings of being in love are the exact same thing as mutual attraction nor are they exclusively related to "passionate stuff" or romantic love. it's based on all the relevant factors... one co-worker described the feelings in a relationship as an "aggregate indicator" of all the other things, including relational dynamics, compatibility, and chemistry. in short, this indicator is vital and is a gauge of all the other things in aggregate. ----------------------------- on another note... do you have a heart for the homeless of downtown toronto? are you interested in volunteering regularly (every 2 weeks) on a weeknight (mon or wed)? then contact me asap and join us at scott mission (http://www.scottmission.com/) The Scott Mission is a Christian non-denominational agency in down-town Toronto for the poor of our community. We have multi-faceted ministries for the homeless, needy families, shut-ins and children and youth. We seek to bring physical, spiritual and emotional wholeness to our friends who look to us for help. The Scott Mission is funded by the generosity of private individuals and corporations and their aim is to help anyone who comes through their doors. The Scott Mission is located at 502 Spadina Avenue (College and Spadina). posted by 3D | 12:19 AM Thursday, February 12, 2004 ok, got a couple responses, posted below, that i would say i fully agree with... but i don't know - what do you think?? ---------------------------------------- spumoni (12:15 AM) : yeah, i wonder that too. personally, i think it starts with the "in love" feeling. and after that goes away, whether or not you choose to love the person for the rest of your life. and you have to keep making that choice every day. and that decision itself is where the compatability and stuff would come in, i guess. i dunno about the whole "in love" thing. whether it really exists or if it's just feelings that pass. yeah, after those feelings pass, making a decision and commit to it. i think you can love anyone if you commit to it. 3D (12:15 AM) : so then basically there's no such thing as being in love? spumoni (12:15 AM) : i think it's just the feelings phase. i think that being "in love" simply refers to the feelings you have for one another temporarily... but in love is diff than true love. ---------------------------------------- wheatfields22: my immediate reaction, just off the cuff, is, are we way too hollywoodized? is this idea of "being in love" just a fabrication, vanity, vanity meaningless? then i'm trying to think of 'romantic' love as portrayed in the Bible, there's some passionate stuff happening in Song of Songs, there's Jacob spending 14 years of his life labouring to win the hand of his wife...balance that w/1 Corinthians 13, the "love is patient, love is kind" passage and passages where Paul compares a marriage to Christ's love for the church. So what if love is part impulsive, part intuitive, part of the 'falling in love' passionate stuff AND also WORK, commitment and more WORK? but i think that this 'being in love' thing is art, is a journey, no formulas, no "must haves", except the very basics which could be, i think as simple as mutual respect, mutual attraction and submission to God. i do think the mutual attraction thing is important, but maybe not as important as Hollywood makes it out to be, and not in the way we may typically think. posted by 3D | 11:42 PM Wednesday, February 11, 2004 this was sent to me from a friend who wrote this in high school. i thought i would share an excerpt... "True love - hah - that's for suckers. Only suckers believe that something will work out for them if they wait. Only suckers believe that out there in the huge world is someone that has been waiting for them. Only suckers believe that love will find a way. Only suckers believe in true love. Actually, I guess I'm a sucker. I'm probably one of the biggest suckers on the planet. I do believe that someone, in this huge world is waiting just for me. I do believe that if I wait - the right person will come along. I do believe that true love exists. I've just been looking in all the wrong places. Never thought that I would find true love within the embrace of a King. Never believed that someone as low as I could ever be loved by someone so great. He's touched my life in so many ways. Constantly overlooking my mistakes, constantly forgiving my faults, and constantly there for me. He's waiting for you. All He wants to tell you is that you're the one. He wants to fall madly in love with you. He'll never make you cry, He'll never hurt your feelings, He'll never leave you. He loves us so much that He willingly went to a cross and got nailed to it so that we might have the chance to live, a chance to live forever. When thinking about it, tears always begin to form. How could anyone love me so much - after all the bad things that I've done - but He does. Never stops, never will. In the end, He'll always be waiting, for you and for me. All you have to do is make a decision - is true love for you?" so true love is a selfless, unconditional, commitment to love someone no matter what the circumstance and all those other good things in 1 Corinthians 13. i think that's clear to me. but what, practically speaking, is love in a dating relationship, for instance? we're supposed to love everyone; even love our enemies. so what does it mean to be in love then? how is it different in a relationship? to be completely honest, i don't think i've ever really thought about it - and i think i'm a little confused. i agree with those that say love isn't based on feelings because those fluctuate all the time - and we all know the honeymoon period doesn't last forever. i agree with those that say that love is a voluntary commitment to stand by someone at all costs, at all times. so, essentially, doesn't that just mean it is predicated on choosing to love any random person so long that you're fully committed? what does it mean to be in love? how do you know? i don't know.... what do you think? posted by 3D | 11:30 PM Monday, January 19, 2004 PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD! God let me pass my CFA Level I exam!! I got pretty nervous when I found out that the pass rate was only 37%. Thanks for your prayers & support - but it's not over yet... there's level II! See you in 4 months! Just kidding... but it will truly be a grueling 4 months trying to fit in frequent, intense studying to an already crazy schedule. posted by 3D | 10:45 PM Friday, December 26, 2003 i'm so blessed. despite some really great and thoughtful presents like turkish cay (tea), authentic turkish vishne (cherry) jam, a life application bible, leather gloves, and of course, my 5th wallet in 5 years, opening my presents at the end of christmas day did not even make my top 6 list this christmas day: (in no particular order) 1. when we were young, my parents would periodically hold something called "family service" with my sister and i, in which we would have a time of singspiration, sharing, and prayer. after a long hiatus, my family along with gladys and my sister's best friend, christina, had family service today. 2. had dim sum with my family and all my relatives today. 3. my cousin, in grade 5, who had just started going to church this year showed me a beautiful picture she drew of baby jesus surrounded by animals. 4. my dad asked my cousin (in grade 3), who doesn't go to church, who Jesus was. he said: "Jesus is God" 5. my housemate/landlord, alan, had a really great time spending christmas dinner/night with my family. 6. it was so nice to see my parents so happy with the presents my sister and i got them that they got up and hugged us right away. what a great day... and i leave for urbana tomorrow. another thing my sister and i were looking at recently were pictures of when we were young. my sister scanned a photo of me in the bath and i was just left in awe of God. this has never happenned to me before and i literally spent 15 mins just staring at the photo. how could i - a grown up adult - be the same creature as the one in the photo? how could an innocent, helpless, fragile child transform into me? i was speaking with patty the other night and she mentioned just how many things could go wrong biologically in the human body as a baby develops; she talked about how fragile and sensitive the developmental human body was. it got me thinking later about all the external factors too; that is, the friends a child makes and their environment. someone recently told me that they weren't sure if they wanted kids in the social degradation of this day and age. how would one know, as a parent, if they would turn out ok? the answer is, you don't. and, notwithstanding the degradation of society, you never did. it just takes faith. it always has. 
thought i'd post up a photo of the childhood gang. toby, clara, doreen, jen, gable, kalam, david, my sister, and others are there somewhere. 1.jpg)
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